been quite some time since i last felt that i have the mood and time to post something here. but since it's the last day of 2011, i shall take some time out (from watching one piece) to reflect and look forward.

on the very first day of december, my very first semester results were...sighs. i swear that this shall be the last time that i'll dump money on a useless subject.

then came the standard chartered marathon on the 4th. no joke- seriously. i wasn't prepared at all. but i shall be come next year. hehe. and now the idea of going overseas for races are trying to overwhelm me haha. advice on this anyone?

then...it's mainly about work. the politics...the rubbish involved (i'm just a temp over there)...but yesterday's my last at there. quite happy though as i managed to make/see quite a bit of friends over there.

huh now to think of it that's already my december. nothing much.

suddenly i've a bit of stuff in my mind for 2012. as of now these are what i wanna do from tomorrow onwards:

- obtain a driving license
- learn a new hobby
- save up (lots of if)
- physical training
- holiday? (not compulsory i guess)
- learn to be more far sighted and objective based (sounds funny but i don't want it to be my weakness)

that's roughly about it. shall update it should i have more to come!

so...happy new year in advance! hope everybody will do better come tomorrow.

what rubbish we see nowadays.

the times i can smile only to myself.

i think i saw you. it feels like a kick to the back of my head.

not once. twice.

but i guess...maybe that's the best x'mas gift i'll get? hah.

it's kind of funny for people to live on attention and have no idea where to put theirs at.

something about being arrogant:

you can just rant, stare and throw at anything that you don't see fit with. but do you (in that situation) really have to be so...and show it? and more importantly...have you ever done such a similar mistake before or...you are simply just like the other party?

people nowadays sure like to throw their temper and display their arrogance/pride. but to me, real arrogance is about being egoistic yet confident and sure that you're better than this.

am i wrong?

competition? what competition? am i dreaming?

does anybody know the feeling of wanting to write something but hesitating because of some unclear reasons? i've managed to come up with two reasons why:
- the contents are repetitive of something similar posted
- the stuff i wanna say will affect some of the readers (if there's ever any)

but sometimes it can be really frustrating not being able to make things in my mind happening. all the doubts, criticism and of course the pressure from self makes it only worse; especially during such a nice break from school.

i really wanna sit down, get serious on the stuff i've been entertaining myself with and convincing people to get on board or something.

can it really happen?

just came back from timbre @substation for a short chill out. was kind of very late for it (but it was pushed forward at the last minute).

still finding jobs...damn sian. but luckily all these free time can be utilised at its best- catching up with the previous magazines, read books and some personal time.

sometimes it can be dangerous to agree and follow blindly.

the things that will never ever happen on me.

finally created a twitter account: @that_shaojie - follow me!

i thought it would be better but...after a while i realised that maybe facebook is slightly better to socialise? just a feeling.

but i'm not imagining myself tweeting a lot. still, here's the better place for me to be frank with myself.

my friend's tempting me to learn yoga. maybe i shall do a bit of research on that tomorrow. and i MUST run tomorrow. i really need some time to vent off the hot air.

why not just face it.

approaching my last exam paper before the holiday break kicks in...been thinking a bit on what to do but...not having much mood to revise now. sipping coffee, writing and waiting for an upcoming soccer match.

had to abolish the plan of getting a PS3...more or less. kind of expensive just to think about it. though the console's way cheaper than before but with the games...the story changes. i just have too many things on my pending list.

somehow i'm hesitating on my plans to give tuition. no idea why.

need to have more serious and regular prep sessions for my standard chartered marathon! distance not there...sessions not regular nor intensive...

i wonder if i've either sent the wrong signal to you or accidentally leaked what i really wanted to say to you. but i know. none of it works. so instead of waiting for the same anticipated answer, it's easier for me to pull the plug out isn't it? less of a hassle and time wasting...wait a minute. i'm the only one in the show! what's there to tell you besides admitting that "ya i thought i'm that good for you"?

my intelligence tells me i should rather treat this as a joke so that it's easy to just laugh it off should anybody raise this up in the future. yet my emotions tell me another story- i would rather be real honest.

(then again, now that i think of it, i don't even know where i'm now. so i guess we're just two lost strangers who are trying to help each other find our own paths and...carry on with our own lives?)

hey sidekick, when are you gonna wake up from your deep slumber? think that you can go for the impossible? don't make yourself an embarrassment again...

"and if we could float away
fly up to the surface and just start again"

Coldplay- Us Against The World

suddenly it feels like giving up halfway has become my speciality.

many of us always want to pursue for happiness, but got ourselves less and less happy along the process.

so...maybe it's better to say that now we are trying to be less unhappier instead?

recently i thought that the state we are in is always a result of our own choices. yes choices determine everything.

but now, i also realised that this is very result dependent. i mean, if there's something you see for yourself as feedback it's fine (good or bad). but how do you confirm with yourself that it's the right choice when there's no feedback or anything in return?

(P.S. ah cheng arh in the end i still can't get pass that obstacle i set for myself. it's all illusions after all.)

unless i'm proven wrong someday by that right person, else i'm always right on this- the people up there like to play tricks on me.

or should i even be blaming others? aiya for people who know me well- i hate blame games. but there's no solution to it either!

maybe i'm still living in the past. but that's also a good excuse for not revising now.

last saturday dinner at 2D1N soju bang was hell of a wait...at least 2 hours of standing. but the food was not bad...but maybe not really worth the waiting time? the bacon's good. others like pork belly...its chilli sauce and corn salad. i guess it's more because i'm a person who can't wait that long.

so more is less. but will less become lesser?

exams in a week's time and...still not in panic mode. a sudden loss of direction and mood...wait. what are we trying to prove here?

the world is fascinating. there's just simply all kinds of people out there. trying to understand everyone of them however can sometimes be a pain in the ass. we can't satisfy everybody period. so there's always a few who we'll try to stick to- family, friends etc.

so the question is- how can we confirm with ourselves that the stranger beside us is worth the time to stick by?

i know i'm the gullible kind- very easy to gel with the other party and become more familiar with each other. but often i feel that the process is hyped and dies off quickly.

some things are just never meant to be simplified; or maybe that's what i chose, you chose and the other party chose to be.

i am simply amazed by people who laments about his/her results when no effort is put into salvaging from the subsequent group assignments.

weekend kind of wasted off. personal issues and some emotional labour(???) to overcome.

damn lagged behind for the marketing assignment; hopefully we can finish it (as near to my expectations as possible) with a shortage of a member.

i wanna have a good holiday! and i am saying this before my final exams -.-

oh well. some things don't matter, no matter what. so why not treat myself better?

had quite a wild night yesterday. went to zouk for the school bash organised by the student body. immediately we all had this 42 below thing at the wine bar which is of lots of this sour plum alcohol in shot size. there were lots of them; everybody (there were around 10 plus of us) had at least 3 of those shots. then came two jugs of tiger beer under one for one promotion. and thanks for those peeps remembering that i was the last one to ord in the group i had to (but failed because of the air inside the beer) bottoms up. didn't have that for a long time and i can only say that it...sucks. bitter after taste.

it was the very first time i had a mixture of alcoholic drinks (at this point of time i realised it's wrong) and still felt ok; damn red face as usual but lasted for longer that night. but i was very sure i was in the high mode (without feeling dizzy) and made myself quite a joke in the toilet.

finally went into zouk proper and had another round of don't know whatever bomb thing that comes with red bull. and still conscious after that (i really feel that i improved or something haha). danced and eventually went home after a small supper session with some of them.

ok i admit it- it can be very addictive. self control self control....

started sleeping at around...say 3.30am plus? and had to wake up at around 7.30am, drag myself up with a small drizzle (in other words conducive weather to continue sleeping) out there and reach school at 9.30am for re-enrolment. and in the end? reached at 10am. but still on time (guess time allowances given because of the weather). then a trip to macdonald for lunch at king albert park before my last business statistics lesson started at 12. finally felt the tiredness kicking in by then...during the most important lesson before the exam -.-

damn broke now. and in no mood for assignment now. gonna run (i hope) tomorrow morning.

it just feels weird to suddenly see people barge in and be serious about something. or am i being too sensitive?

today's a mental torture. i can't believe that i am draining myself away with the rest too. on the overall i was pissed, sad and eventually mood-less...like now.

somehow i am hardworking enough to post something before i fall unconscious for the night.

been very busy with project work recently. but saying of being busy...i was still able to play and relax a bit here and there? oh gosh i need to check myself.

perhaps of the really impending dateline everybody seems to really (and finally) putting in more effort. hopefully this can go on to our last project- which has to appear from thin air within two weeks.

i will consider myself damn lucky to have my course shortened to two years due to an automatic allocation of advanced standing. in general all polytechnic students were given 8 modules worth of exemptions; so it also means a year worth of time and money saved.

the staff emphasized on the fact that we need major in management and minor in one of the options (finance, marketing and human resource). is this better? time and monetary wise yes. but others? i am still not sure. not much time to conclude this either. at least not now.

this afternoon i told my friend what's left single should be flawed. but on the flip side- i am part of it too.

perhaps it takes a lot of courage to follow your heart.

i know...i know.

really damn tired. i mean in the brain. it's so hard to work with people who aren't even focused. yes again i know it's difficult to work that out...but to zone out...

so what if you walk the talk?

no time, no money- really no talk.

almost everyone of us live to die. do you die to live?

innovation at its simplest. maybe i over think but...some how it also serves as some form of reflection for me? i mean in a sense...most of the innovation we see nowadays are mainly technological/commercial ones. they are not as 'humane' as before...oh well. as long as you get the idea.

if i can achieve social entrepreneurship...how shiok would that be.

one paper with shaky confidence down. but surprisingly it seems that i might do ok for it. haha. (p.s. thanks jun cheng!)

assignments come flooding back. and what about part time job?

and seems like the next three years in sim...is only on books and maybe lots of eating.

英雄也是寂寞的阿...

maybe the timing just isn't right. maybe you are not the right one. maybe i am not right.

suppose it's gonna be a busy/tiring weekend for me.

i wonder...whether i am too hyped up with the assignments. now there's voices that point out that i'm thinking too much into the assignment. but i'm doing this simply because:

- this is our first semester of projects; everybody's not sure of the lecturers' expectations

- we are really short of time; therefore i don't wanna come back to this piece of work some time later to review it again

- we are a group of six- but of it i can frankly say at most four are actively engaged in discussion

- seems like i'm the only one interested to get try a distinction

how i wish i can be kept busy (productively) and be away from things i wanna run away/hide/avoid from. now say no money...next time say no time...and next time i would still not be ready. still me.

main gist- who would like some who's a bore and not confident?

it's always part of my principles to learn from others and change for improvement. sounds idealistic huh?

yet i realised that there's just certain things everybody and i can't change no matter what happens- be it your lifestyle, the way i walk or the way he lies.

of course to change is one's decision. big or small issue it's up to oneself.

which comes to my point- it'll be foolish if we were to avoid changing knowing that the present self can be improved. bad for those who don't see it. worse for knowing it deep inside your heart and excusing yourself from changing.

while we're fooling ourselves.

damn tiring day. went to here and there to get things done...and still had to spend to cab while already being late.

hopefully what i've said today really helped. i really don't wanna waste time to simply pass a module any more.

and what's with all these...sighs. why me? why such a term? would you like it if you were in my shoes?

what's wrong arh...out of a sudden i am entertaining with thoughts of owning a car asap...wanna go both taiwan and bangkok this end of year etc.

is it like what my mother says- suddenly i'm going out of out ns soon?

suddenly feel so moodless...blur and lost.

you take- you'll have to give.

oh ya. how much lower of your expectations if you're alone for very long?

another good nine hours of sleep...and purposely offing of my alarm clocks to skip running. doesn't look good at all. king of the road is just a week away.

and i'm too ambitious to ok with my class peeps to play soccer on the same day after the adidas run.

so why am i still bothering? isn't it better to just focus on lesser things?

maybe i'm still too free.

maybe i've slept too much today...or it can be because i've nothing to say...or the things i wanna say are always the same.

well i guess we're all attention seekers in some sense...in our ways.

and is it me or the beer from brewerkz is actually better than erdinger? heh.

nowadays, everything can be measured.

i am poor. i've found nothing about myself that stands out from others. now they say i have a pervert face.

so how?

i don't like it if i'm in the wrong and your comments make yourself a hero and me a sinner. not at all.

if what i see are all facts, then nothing i thought of will be wrong.

all the good stuff are taken up while the leftovers are flawed.

is it really that nice to get yourself wasted?

has been a while since i last feel that nervousness in me.

crunch time- time to push myself to the limits.

love is like gravity; you are just pulling away from loneliness. and it doesn't exist.

image, image. i can see images, but not a true image of everyone.

thanks to online networking people now have an additional burden- to protect their online image.

can we just be truthful to ourselves? it feels like going into a house of mirrors to find no exact reflection of yourself. you are in different images. different expressions. but none of them is what you truly are.

but everybody wants to be unique; to be on the trend and yet stand out from the crowd- kind of weird i have to say. nobody changes for the sake of themselves.

guess i'm ok with just one mirror- one that i can see myself.

who can fix me?

did i just proved that the theory of instant noodles is right?

having a damn bad flu now. killing my mood to do anything now.

a week of ups and of course downs. firstly some of the guys from my batch ORD liao. ya i am counting down (more than ever so thanks to some) but still it's still gonna be crunch time if i have to continue juggling everything that i have on my hands now.

went to bedok 85 for late dinner yesterday. real good chill out with friends but i was dead tired when i slept from 2 to 7am to wake up for a make up lesson this morning.

assignments are coming down on me- hard. upcoming datelines and tests...gosh.

all these are ironically getting me focused on what i have to do. i got seriously no time to deal with the rest. at least for now.

but still...should i join track and field? haha. gastronomy club is more or less thing bah?

either way...gonna be busy for week after week...till september i guess.

oh ya there's still things i wanna say but...since you have decided i guess it doesn't help either way to dump it all here. i will only say that you don't get the best choice for yourself.

once, i tore the wall down, hoping for sunshine.

now i feel like building a taller one.

busy weekend. long night out at brewerkz. then just now was out at ann siang road, haji lane and movie (henry's crime)

quite refreshing to be busy once in a while.

still. questions still linger inside me. why not just tell me straight?

really wonder if i can wake up on time tomorrow for run.

maybe weijun was right...since everybody is going the easier way out, why shouldn't i?

i sounded very convincing yesterday to disagree with him...but why am i doing this?

and look! we are so many circles away from each other.

to me life is always about choices.

but can i always go on the best choices? is it possible to overwrite your heart's desires?

perhaps i need more arrogance. an overflowing of arrogance to blind myself.

first two weeks of lessons- well not so bad as appetiser. but soon i guess i'll enter crunch time...hope not.

been spending as usual- notes, photocopies, standard chartered and don't know what else. next month there's still phone etc...sighs. i need a part time job asap.

how i wish you can just take me away from the abyss. chatting and chatting with bursting phone bills...and i still don't get your idea.

you say you've a lot in your mind...so do i. but are we courageous/silly enough to put all of them on the table to share with each other?

you have the right to know this. but i also do know that it will be a waste of time and effort.

it's not confidence. it's not arrogance. it's still inferiority.

this sucks. big time. and have always been so.

when the new boy meets the party monster.

had a nice outing with my orientation camp mates. was almost going to avatar for drinks before we cancelled it due to lack of people going. personally i was kind of tired by then; i was out for almost 12 hours straight- listening to aussies and a scotsman, lunching out, played card games (mentally tiring ones), window shopped (same old/boring stuff) and chilled at starbucks.

guess i'll have to empty my heart again. i guess i was too sensitive...and too optimistic. i got it- i am not meant for it.

a x-km morning run from my house to lakeside mrt then straight down the route towards chinese garden, past it and soon i saw jtc. then a detour and all the way back to the junction at the lakeside mrt station before i stopped. so exactly how long is that huh?

like i said i tried to sort out the stuff i had yesterday...and my conclusion is...i don't think i have many bargaining chips this time round. it's already a privilege. hard to push my/our luck much further.

the motivation to run is getting stronger despite the unknown source of discipline and drive (imagine me wanting for a run again tomorrow.) am i too tight and restrictive on why am i doing this and that?

have a sudden feel of joining both the track and field team and student council in sim. with these, hopefully a part time job and academics i think i am really filled up to the brink.

how how how? i feel like i am riding on my ego like a tiger while dragging my brain along. really mentally tiring.

went to the orientation camp at monday. it's just too short in my opinion. not really enough time for everybody to gel in.

like what i said, maybe i got too uncontrolled. a bit over engrossed/exaggerated with the group mates (e.g. keep making them entertained.)

should i join the student council? if yes for what purpose? her? more friends? portfolio?

and for the rest of the week i had other kinds of shit...now even worse for my schooling issues (if the reader you are any way interested in what happened you can contact me for more information. if there's any reader.)

shall sort out my thoughts after the run tomorrow. hopefully it's better.

"the times when we are truly ourselves."

many times we hear about leaving a good impression on others, many sweet honey moon periods for couples, good friendships which turn bad or even into hatred...

some times i can't help but wonder...who are we when we are in front of others? how about that self when there's only you in the room? the way we present ourselves in front of others...is it just a layer for the masquerade parade?

i am sure many of the things we heard of start off in this familiar situation- guy is considerate, girl is sweet then later either side of the party will tell you about the cooling off period when all the passion is vanishing and...but wait. why would the passion fade when you like that person for who he/she is? unless you have zero idea what/who you are doing/liking, or else it might be a fade of that personality you used to like isn't it?

this is purely a personal experience...and my conclusion? be yourself. if you are a boring person (like me)- so be it. you wanna change? for? the opposite gender? your friend who doesn't like you in any way? your pet dog? i say just change for yourself. BUT never change for the sake of changing- it wastes your time and the other party's.

yes in this society people might dislike you for not in the main stream, not friendly, closed up etc...but you see, you live once. live it the way you want it. have your unique style.

is there something like "i'll get back to you some other day...when i am richer?"

what's that feeling when you just wanna pose a question with an obvious answer- and that person is having a "do not disturb" sign on the neck?

"the ability to change a fact is something; the experiencing of change is quite another."

have not been in a nice mood to post recently. some how feeling staisfied to just rot the days off before i start school again. had a few times of me logging in and looking at the dashboard...and decided not to update the bin.

well my june is like what i said- full of lazy bones. in camp i got very addicted to this turn based strategy game on psp and at home i am stuck with watching running man through the net.

have also been spending (and spending) for almost anything...and seems like it will go on. let's see...i've got myself tees, klipsch s4, portable hard drive, buffet- and still looking around for new spectacles, phone, shorts and clothings.

then my birthday is...like the usual. but thanks to weijun and darren.

went to sim for enrolment/administrative session. going for the sutdent union's orientation camp (i don't know why they would still call it a camp when it's two days one night.)

looked around...saw a guy or two that i know of...that's it. oh well.

looks like the human mind can control its instincts. but for everything i (wanna) take, i give away something (sometimes a lot).

finally found one classic blazer from river island:

how's it? too bad but i found it only in a website...nothing similar sold in singapore (or river island) bah...at least from what i know now. maybe i'll get it for myself next year or even end of year?

another cool watch from diesel. but it's like what...$245 at tangs? -.- god i sure know how to pick expensive stuff.

guess the only way to get them is to kick start. a potential turn for me. we need a bold first step, mate.

getting curious on the kinds of clubs and societies in SIM.

or else...it's still day dreaming...everyday.

is it wrong to say "the time is now?"

it's tiring. very tiring to seemingly move on with things pulling you from behind.

i really don't understand what's left in my family. maybe my sister. my father is a learning example for me (bad traits wise.) and my mother? doesn't know how to get her own life and just clinging on me and pestering me.

yesterday i almost got myself quarrelling with her. with her usual short sighted self she asked "so you are not willing to go with me?" (sunday trip to malaysia)

i already said fine. but solely because she's not feeling well. "i don't know how to explain everything to you."

how am i supposed to tell her to stop pestering me every time she has to do something on her own? or to tell her almost everybody in the family is dependent on me for matters big and small- and yet i can't depend on them when i need help? or to ask her how much does she understand me to help me at all?

is this what family life supposed to be? is this how my life is gonna be? i am sure this is not what i want but what can i do?

perhaps i am the only one in and out of this blogspot and i need attention now- but my initial objective is to let it be low profile so that people will not be easily react to whatever i say. ironic huh?

i am really getting sick of everything- life stays the same when you are pushed to the limits everyday.

single and don't give a damn.

guess the june holiday trip is slipping into the soup, day by day.

been a while since i last talked to myself.

been quite a rough ride for me for the past few weeks- worked for a bit ($200 pay's still not coming though), sprained my ankle (frustration included), giving up on ah hai and just two days back- the final exercise.

guess it's kind of low profile for my camp from now. still very tickling on the idea of going on a holiday. taiwan or bangkok, anyone?

finally bought myself a watch yesterday. things should bought by yourself instead of waiting for people to bring it at your nth birthday party or even from the sky i guess.

been clocking quite a lot of time of the latest dissidia (people are saying i am becoming a addicted gamer) but i find it to be very meaningful.

life's a fight to the final fantasy.

do you still regard someone as your father if he treats you like a dog?

am i worth the trouble?

foot's still badly swollen. seriously it's getting on my nerves. thoughts of it not being able to recover by the upcoming major exercise (in a few weeks time) and perhaps even when i gonna study at july all are afloat in my mind now.

anxiety. then frustration.

the about going on holiday before studying? that's even more complicated. so many people to reject for one trip. undecided locations too. how how?

maybe i should just do it all with the university application next week.

went for a last minute job last weekend.

actually it's not bad; got to see some celebrities and the pay is surprisingly good.

got to know a few new people- eye-catching one, kind of irritating one in particular.

THEN. came monday. a seemingly normal soccer game. and there i got my ankle sprained.

if i am not wrong it's an old injury too so the pain is kind of refreshing.

been to my neighbourhood's sinseh twice. not that swollen any more. but the frustration of immobility, troubling people...sighs. i just don't like the feeling.

another guy has really pissed me off to the max. how can you just accept other people's offer to help for your mistake? ya ya you said you don't want but in the end you accepted right?

seriously you are not worth my time any more. i wouldn't mind if you were to move up one day.

so some interesting thoughts for the week:

- am i looking for unanswered questions and replicas?

- the feeling of troubling others

- why not learn to respect/reflect on yourself before you complain? (in facebook some more)

- employee? you sure?

another week of rubbish. full of drama. hopefully it's a 100% week of low key ahead.

decided to change my subscription of newsweek to time magazine before the end of may. a bit too pro-american for the former.

gonna sell off the disappointing a-jays two away. even a twenty dollars pair of in-ear phones can win it. aiming for a creative x-fi player instead after experiencing the power of just attaching an amplifier to your mp3 player (costs a bit too though- $148).

i am seeing a lot of subjective people nowadays. nevertheless feeling 'sick' as always.

sometimes i feel like i am a rubbish bin.

62 dollars to the japanese red cross society. still wondering whether it will help or not.

there's so many things in my head that needs to be decided:

- university admission

- bank loan

- ord trip

is this the supposedly adult life that i always looked forward to when i was still a secondary school kid?

and the worst of all is that the tower card still lingers in my mind.

maybe you shouldn't have appeared again. and i should just keep on preparing myself till i feel confident again...but when will that be?

tsk...f*ck it.

how i wish i can just stay high with all the beer.

if it's anybody else getting married- not that i will give a damn.

but you...

looks like the clock will never go back in time.

sometimes i will question myself this:

"am i meant to follow?"

how much of a game changer do i need? or rather how much of a game changer am i aiming for?

even so, where is it?

"that's why you should try..."

have you heard of people are players when it comes to relationships?

of course i am not one of them. it takes criteria to be one.

or should i say...maybe it's because i choose to be laid back on this.

or maybe i choose not to hurt others (and most probably myself) till i am not that dangerous.

or maybe i've brainwashed myself with the simple fact that it might be just purely statistical and the visual appeal that helps.

i've no idea of what's next. everything seems so volatile nowadays.

(i know it's no point to dwell on this all day long; but sometimes it just happens when you can't think of anything that can interest you. business ideas of course.)

it's either left or right. and it's human nature to pick a side.

now it's my turn.

lesson learnt from yesterday: business ideas can hardly or never be an idealistic one. it's called a business idea for a reason. they didn't tell us that it has to be ethical.

the emptiness is draining me away.

so...happy valentine.

If Time is All I Have - James Blunt

When you wake up
Turn the radio on
And you'll hear this simple song

That I made up
That I made up for you

When you're driving
Turn the radio up
Cause I can't sing loud enough
Hard these days
To get my message through

If time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

When you marry
And you look around
I'll be somewhere in that crowd
Torn up, that it isn't me

When you're older
The memories fade
But I know I'll still feel the same
For as long as I live

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

Won't you say my name, one time
Please just say my name

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you
Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

If time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

Won't you say my name
When the song is over

jun cheng reminded me of the initial objectives of the solution.

sometimes we just fail to look back and remind ourselves.

was running this morning (aching heel and loss of running form...low morale) when i had a question in mind "why wouldn't you take the risk?"

but i guess the morning air was able to clear my brain matter blockage that i could reply myself out of the blue "would you take it if you were in her shoes?"

if i were you...it's too much of a risk.

sighs.

first day of my chinese new year started with a scare. luckily it's settled after a while.

another kind of boring chinese new year ahead. went out just now for some praying and that's it.

well a new year ahead...certainly hope that i can really show some results. maybe the anxiety is too much in me...but there's nothing better than this when you are in your prime. sometimes looking at my father i realised that the time is now, not by then.

and how i wish...how i wish.

the problem still lies in me, isn't it?

under the rain. many berets.

under the rain. sunken hearts.

under the rain. our last salute to you.

goodbye, my comrade.

"somethings are worth dying to wait for; because you've died trying."

R.I.P. Eugin.

though we are not closely acquainted, but like what our co said...we are all a family.

it's really a tough period for many of us- your friends, your commanders and most importantly your family; who will have to endure the pain through the chinese new year.

your departure came too sudden, too unexpected. and too early. especially with your age.

i really feel that it shouldn't have been so.

the only thought that hangs on my heart now is to make sure all my buddies in green can wrap up ns together safely.

"miss, i think you are gonna leave something behind."

"regret is better than being hurt."

suddenly i have a thought of moving out.

perhaps i am acting like a fugitive in my own world?

perhaps i am feeling quite tired now, but i am feeling very dull now.

still haven't started seriously brood over the exact school i am gonna go for.

quite a rough week in camp. had outfield exercises with frustration.

another short, plain, solitary weekend break for the the next.

looks like i just wanna get myself at outside the whole of today.

kind of reluctantly accompanied my mother to johor this morning to pass my uncle some stuff, have a walk and get some stuff for chinese new year. saw a pair of fake d&g leather dress shoe that doesn't seem to have my size...sian.

the next moment upon reaching singapore i was travelling downtown to meet darren and weijun to chill a bit. saw a lot of places having crazy sales (e.g. 50% store wide for topman) but with stuff that didn't really make me feel tempted (with exception of that viva la vida jacket alike going out for 90 dollars if i am not wrong.)

later had a short chill out at timbre@old school. nice glass of erdinger recommended by darren. but the idea of another sausage fest did make us feel bored at times.

first week of 2011 gone. still kind of manageable.

but the blows are already sinking in. first being having the rojak solution which takes here and there from various applications (sorry jun cheng but i think it doesn't really work as i thought initially.) but at least now after more thinking i really have to acknowledge that social efforts is the main stream. so maybe the next solution is social ______ .

saw sheryl while on my way back yesterday. such a changed lady.

well sometimes it's like playing indian poker. the result is sticked to your forehead but deep in your brain you are pondering whether it's the right card or not.

everybody likes to say 'aiya i should done so and so...' i am not an exception. especially when the chance seems to come once in a decade.

"so there i am waiting for the wedding bells to ring. so if i say you have a choice, will you choose one?"