approaching my last exam paper before the holiday break kicks in...been thinking a bit on what to do but...not having much mood to revise now. sipping coffee, writing and waiting for an upcoming soccer match.

had to abolish the plan of getting a PS3...more or less. kind of expensive just to think about it. though the console's way cheaper than before but with the games...the story changes. i just have too many things on my pending list.

somehow i'm hesitating on my plans to give tuition. no idea why.

need to have more serious and regular prep sessions for my standard chartered marathon! distance not there...sessions not regular nor intensive...

i wonder if i've either sent the wrong signal to you or accidentally leaked what i really wanted to say to you. but i know. none of it works. so instead of waiting for the same anticipated answer, it's easier for me to pull the plug out isn't it? less of a hassle and time wasting...wait a minute. i'm the only one in the show! what's there to tell you besides admitting that "ya i thought i'm that good for you"?

my intelligence tells me i should rather treat this as a joke so that it's easy to just laugh it off should anybody raise this up in the future. yet my emotions tell me another story- i would rather be real honest.

(then again, now that i think of it, i don't even know where i'm now. so i guess we're just two lost strangers who are trying to help each other find our own paths and...carry on with our own lives?)

hey sidekick, when are you gonna wake up from your deep slumber? think that you can go for the impossible? don't make yourself an embarrassment again...

"and if we could float away
fly up to the surface and just start again"

Coldplay- Us Against The World

suddenly it feels like giving up halfway has become my speciality.

many of us always want to pursue for happiness, but got ourselves less and less happy along the process.

so...maybe it's better to say that now we are trying to be less unhappier instead?

recently i thought that the state we are in is always a result of our own choices. yes choices determine everything.

but now, i also realised that this is very result dependent. i mean, if there's something you see for yourself as feedback it's fine (good or bad). but how do you confirm with yourself that it's the right choice when there's no feedback or anything in return?

(P.S. ah cheng arh in the end i still can't get pass that obstacle i set for myself. it's all illusions after all.)

unless i'm proven wrong someday by that right person, else i'm always right on this- the people up there like to play tricks on me.

or should i even be blaming others? aiya for people who know me well- i hate blame games. but there's no solution to it either!

maybe i'm still living in the past. but that's also a good excuse for not revising now.

last saturday dinner at 2D1N soju bang was hell of a wait...at least 2 hours of standing. but the food was not bad...but maybe not really worth the waiting time? the bacon's good. others like pork belly...its chilli sauce and corn salad. i guess it's more because i'm a person who can't wait that long.

so more is less. but will less become lesser?

exams in a week's time and...still not in panic mode. a sudden loss of direction and mood...wait. what are we trying to prove here?

the world is fascinating. there's just simply all kinds of people out there. trying to understand everyone of them however can sometimes be a pain in the ass. we can't satisfy everybody period. so there's always a few who we'll try to stick to- family, friends etc.

so the question is- how can we confirm with ourselves that the stranger beside us is worth the time to stick by?

i know i'm the gullible kind- very easy to gel with the other party and become more familiar with each other. but often i feel that the process is hyped and dies off quickly.

some things are just never meant to be simplified; or maybe that's what i chose, you chose and the other party chose to be.

i am simply amazed by people who laments about his/her results when no effort is put into salvaging from the subsequent group assignments.

weekend kind of wasted off. personal issues and some emotional labour(???) to overcome.

damn lagged behind for the marketing assignment; hopefully we can finish it (as near to my expectations as possible) with a shortage of a member.

i wanna have a good holiday! and i am saying this before my final exams -.-

oh well. some things don't matter, no matter what. so why not treat myself better?