life is getting more and more lifeless...

driving course for five and half days every week. so it's just driving, tests, psp and newsweek catching up. yes i would love to drive next time...but driving everyday seems to become more and more of a chore. never mind i can still take that.

weekend wise i am getting more and more lazy i guess. perhaps the fact that i've only got around a day more before i book in again makes me feel damn dreaded moments before i depart for camp. and yet i am still assigned with chores at home by my mum. it's dumb to escape out to town just for this but more chores means lesser time...i need more time for myself.

had a gathering with the ns guys at holland village crystal jade for steamboat buffet. well frankly speaking it's just so so (and some even said the experience is good even though the area is cramped up, little selection of food choices etc.) but never mind. gathering mah.

initially they wanted to do it as a bbq. so i paid five dollars for the food and stuff mah...suddenly they had a change of plans...and without me knowing they used the five dollars to buy a birthday gift for a guy in my platoon instead...seriously. wtf should i say. i am someone who doesn't like unplanned stuff. and ironically it seems like everybody were informed beforehand. yeah i was informed eventually. right before i was my way home to come out for the dinner.

and it's like...out the blues we are celebrating birthdays...aiya! maybe it's because my 21st was a screw up. maybe it's because i am a miser.

fine. after that they wanted to watch a movie in town. initially they were saying inception (which i really catch it asap) but changed to "something else" (i should say anything else since they came unplanned, didn't check the timings and seatings while knowing it's saturday.) like what i feel for my poly classmates and since my good buddy left to meet his girl, i decided not to waste my time and left for home.

i realised...there's nothing else i can try about her. you can't beat some guy who can provide financial security. especially when you compare a poor ns guy against a guy in mid 20s who works overseas...you can roughly gauge the pay huh. he's just another tall skinny guy man...but why him?! maybe that's where the numbers (age, savings in bank) come in.

but i think the most important point is that we are already worlds apart from the start. financial status...the environment that we are in now (work compared to just ns.) please don't tell me that all these don't matter...yeah i know. i can climb up the social ladder but by the time i do so my guess is she's already cut the wedding cakes with that guy. drama is a depiction of life but never the other way round.

"you can be a hundred bucks poorer but you might be a hundred worlds away from those richer."

damn now i need to get down soon to help carry stuff for my father. so how can my life be?

i am starting to love driving. though for the start of the week i did get nervous driving the iveco 3 tonner for the first time, but eventually i got the hang of it. i have to especially mention this instructor by the name of gordon goh who took me for yesterday. since he's a old time driver during his ns days (driving the old mercedes tonner- which has its hand brakes at the right side and cranky gearbox...oh god. i am lucky.); he taught me a lot from a driver's point of view. he made me feel very relaxed throughout the whole trip and shared with me his experiences, own techniques and stories. damn nice guy. thank you again sir.

my friend asked to join another network marketing group. the more i look at it the more i feel that the products are just mere what you can see on the shelves. but again this spiked me to restart my thoughts on opening a blogshop. i currently have an idea though. but by looking at how the other shops are...they don't look promising to me. sounds bad. but that might also mean a chance for me. should keep this in view.

as i wish to but sometimes it's hard for me to open my mouth to get back the old debts from people. because they are not really like big amounts that can make me go broke...and they are close to me too. maybe it's just me who mixes personal and monetary issues together. like what the chinese say- "to talk about money means to harm a relationship."

it's still drizzling out there but a song struck me just now:

下雨天

下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你

我不敢打给你 我找不到原因

为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉

沉默的场景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停

期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）

谁和我一样 等不到他的谁

爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味

一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我 能让你更想念

雨要多大 天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不出哪些差别

结局那还能多明显

别说你会难过 别说你想改变

被爱的人不用道歉

i am just afraid that i would be lying dead should you ever come back to me with a chance.

hectic week- been driving and driving. but good thing that i passed both the driving assessment and defensive riding test at one go- with the assessor's rover which has a way softer accelerator, clutch and steering wheel than what i normal drive with. and thanks to the clutch i got the engine stalled on the slope -.- but still, a pass is a pass.

and i am going to the public roads tomorrow! kind of excited yet cautious about the world outside. on the other hand the test on highway situations might kill my next saturday off. hopefully my luck works by then. am also thinking of getting myself registered for the civilian basic theory test once i get the military license- while the safeness in me is still fresh. haha.

went to friend's 21st birthday yesterday. people mentioned about why nothing was done on my birthday. hm. i gave a direct and truthful reply.i guess since it's over it doesn't matter if they know everything or not. the issue on just $50 worth of capital mall vouchers for the birthday girl is really...i am speechless.

alright if you can't think of anything decent- then vouchers are fine. but $50...what can you buy with it for your 21st birthday? but again. a trend shouldn't be a norm. maybe i should have kept quiet.

felt like messaging her. have never done so after i met her.

why doubt myself? unless there's something wrong about me now. which i've already got a hint. something very bad.