spent the whole of sunday hiding inside my house...

father is out the whole day working. while my mother and sister went to malaysia for my grandfather's death anniversary. so it's home alone for me.

bloody bored. generally the whole day was of school rumble term 2. got hooked on from season 1...with very funny scenarios...of course with all the different kind of girls...speaking of that...YAKUMO!!! -.-

oh well. perhaps i have always been out for the previous weekends...loneliness crept into me. to be just like an otaku watching anime whole day long...wasn't my style. what am i really short of? or rather why can't i be satisfied of the current situation? and it's only a day... -.-

this familiar kind of solitary...familiar kind of quietness and feeling...it sucks. but i am getting the hang of it...and starting to like it.

guess i am not wrong about this but...i actually expected that before from you jo...sour grapes from me perhaps at that point of time but i didn't expect it to be that quick...

time to wake up. you are just solving the problem by changing to this guy...that guy...whatever. even if i am part of the cycle...still. you can't solve a problem when you don't even know what is the problem.

if you choose to be tied with a guy...don't keep changing the guys and feel that it's the guys who keep scarring your heart when you don't know about being tied down. i admitted i don't. even up till now. and i have decided i am too lazy to understand all these transactions and crap.

don't waste your time. don't waste their time. don't hurt them. don't hurt yourself. stupidly.

seems tough but i am sure you will find what you really want once you are clear in the head.

"work smart, not work hard."

i finally understand and agree to this sentence. it's just merely the results that matter.

as usual a busy week. even felt unwell today. spoilt a number of stuff i had in mind to settle on...plus to attend to some small stuff...bored.

seems that the Xmas disease got to me rather early this time...it's especially prominent when you are working. you just dread to have a public holiday asap. haha.

looks like my Xmas schedule is a little busy than the previous years...but somehow i can't really feel the spirit from this festive season...interesting.

well at least it's just me that got into such a freakish kind of situation.

the company i am working with has just hired quite a number of people for the year ahead. 1 of the guys (or rather there's no new female employees) is at his 30's...and i can relate to him quite well. all the stuff on family, direction etc...looks like i am experiencing aging faster than i thought. and never marry an old man like me. i will most probably irritate the hell out of you.

hopefully the year ahead doesn't irritate me with all the unnecessary crap, thinking etc...so that i shall focus on getting onto the next level. haha. so it's many no-nos...

lastly thank you ashley for the domo kun key chain. i still think it's a little over-sized but i shall see what i can do with it. haha. do remember to think on what you wanna eat ya?

a very nice song from mirror's edge. somehow i sense the emo stuff from the feelings of the song.

anyways...bro i hope you are eventually alright...even though i have no idea of what happened to you...but we can't hold everything to ourselves...the good and the bad- we still have to either let go or live with it.

regarding the comment that you find it irritating with me appearing offline all the time...well at the daytime my company 'bans' the usage of msn messenger during working hours so i have to appear offline so that i can still keep in contact with the rest in daytime. as for night time it's more of a habit for me to appear offline...since it doesn't really make a difference whether i am online or not...but still i would really like to listen to your reasons...be it personal or not.

really hope that we can chat properly again.

was on my way to get tomorrow's breakfast for my family just now...when i saw someone very familiar...my friend's ex-girlfriend. kenny zheng if you ever see this post i hope the salt doesn't get to your wounds. but anyways their story didn't turn very great at the end. for me it just got me the flashback on the kallang trip with the couple. what a couple date event...what an ending.

that radical side of me is devouring everything...good question from ashley- "will you turn into a miserable old man in the future?"

i am afraid it's a yes.

anything anybody will say but i am just a tortoise with its head withdrawn on a bed of roses. oh well.

x'mas is coming! my company is holding a party on...the afternoon of 24th dec? haha. quite a new experience to me. and the theme...i heard it's on the 70s or 80s. oh man. retro stuff. and i have a wishlist! but this christmas wouldn't be very different from others i guess...

-zara jeans ($99.90) oh my god...expensive but really suits my new shirt!
-more shirts from springfield
-black gem ring
-black gem chest pin

maybe i should spend my christmas with my family.

been quite a while since i last blogged seriously.

i think up till now...i have to answer to myself to some questions:

-is there any proper reason why am i suddenly so busy? or rather why have i been making myself so busy? am i trying to run away from something?

-why are my views on certain topics so extreme? even if it makes my mind feel more balanced...is this the right way to rely on on the long run?

-why am i restraining myself on some stuff yet i let myself go wild on other things?

-am i still myself?if not can i get back to what i wanna be at some point of time?

wierd questions but...seems that i never spend time to solve them thoroughly...and as usual i am lazy to think of all of these.

你不是真正的快乐

人 群中 哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色

你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了

你已經決定了 你已經決定了

你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著

而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了

越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這 世界 笑了 於是妳合群的一起笑了

當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇

於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合

我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河

難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色

為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢

能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻

重新開始活著

stayed overnight yesterday at the office to complete some mock-up website. hopefully everything goes well...

life...i guess is like a strand of grass.

it is meant to endure the strong winds...even storms that might come.
some chose to be unique...stand out from the rest.
but soon they realise they will be standing on a plot of barren land.
so in the end some turned yellow. lifeless. dying. even without fulfilling their true purpose.

so what is the purpose of every strand of grass? grow taller than everyone else?
i guess to stand out also means a responsibility to hold onto. you have to be stronger than everyone else at all times. not many people can do it. many of us turned yellow before we can fulfill our purpose of life.

i feel that the purpose of life is to be part of the greenery of grasses that forms a big, lush, landscape. it's never been one's purpose. it's just that the society nowadays tends to expose a variety of information to everyone. so are we supposed to wait till somebody else to tell you that it's wrong before you know it's wrong? then perhaps you have no idea on how to fulfill that unique purpose or you just simply don't have a mind of your own. i am sure everyone has the path to light. but some chose not to utilise their rationality and senses and fell into the dark.

just got myself a psp slim. i know i got hacked...sighs. it feels so bad.

damn.day of bad luck.

i just got back working from the Sittex show at expo. bought myself a seagate portable hard drive. quite a deal in the show itself.

BUT.

my booth was reported of a loss of the "company's" mp3 player. it's a samsung touch screen kinda of crap stuff. both my colleague and i have to compensate. T.T

now's the worst- my friend lost his precious N95 in the same period of time too.

don't let me see that f*cker again. i will make sure that his jaw will feel my fist or something.