once, i tore the wall down, hoping for sunshine.

now i feel like building a taller one.

busy weekend. long night out at brewerkz. then just now was out at ann siang road, haji lane and movie (henry's crime)

quite refreshing to be busy once in a while.

still. questions still linger inside me. why not just tell me straight?

really wonder if i can wake up on time tomorrow for run.

maybe weijun was right...since everybody is going the easier way out, why shouldn't i?

i sounded very convincing yesterday to disagree with him...but why am i doing this?

and look! we are so many circles away from each other.

to me life is always about choices.

but can i always go on the best choices? is it possible to overwrite your heart's desires?

perhaps i need more arrogance. an overflowing of arrogance to blind myself.

first two weeks of lessons- well not so bad as appetiser. but soon i guess i'll enter crunch time...hope not.

been spending as usual- notes, photocopies, standard chartered and don't know what else. next month there's still phone etc...sighs. i need a part time job asap.

how i wish you can just take me away from the abyss. chatting and chatting with bursting phone bills...and i still don't get your idea.

you say you've a lot in your mind...so do i. but are we courageous/silly enough to put all of them on the table to share with each other?

you have the right to know this. but i also do know that it will be a waste of time and effort.

it's not confidence. it's not arrogance. it's still inferiority.

this sucks. big time. and have always been so.

when the new boy meets the party monster.

had a nice outing with my orientation camp mates. was almost going to avatar for drinks before we cancelled it due to lack of people going. personally i was kind of tired by then; i was out for almost 12 hours straight- listening to aussies and a scotsman, lunching out, played card games (mentally tiring ones), window shopped (same old/boring stuff) and chilled at starbucks.

guess i'll have to empty my heart again. i guess i was too sensitive...and too optimistic. i got it- i am not meant for it.

a x-km morning run from my house to lakeside mrt then straight down the route towards chinese garden, past it and soon i saw jtc. then a detour and all the way back to the junction at the lakeside mrt station before i stopped. so exactly how long is that huh?

like i said i tried to sort out the stuff i had yesterday...and my conclusion is...i don't think i have many bargaining chips this time round. it's already a privilege. hard to push my/our luck much further.

the motivation to run is getting stronger despite the unknown source of discipline and drive (imagine me wanting for a run again tomorrow.) am i too tight and restrictive on why am i doing this and that?

have a sudden feel of joining both the track and field team and student council in sim. with these, hopefully a part time job and academics i think i am really filled up to the brink.

how how how? i feel like i am riding on my ego like a tiger while dragging my brain along. really mentally tiring.

went to the orientation camp at monday. it's just too short in my opinion. not really enough time for everybody to gel in.

like what i said, maybe i got too uncontrolled. a bit over engrossed/exaggerated with the group mates (e.g. keep making them entertained.)

should i join the student council? if yes for what purpose? her? more friends? portfolio?

and for the rest of the week i had other kinds of shit...now even worse for my schooling issues (if the reader you are any way interested in what happened you can contact me for more information. if there's any reader.)

shall sort out my thoughts after the run tomorrow. hopefully it's better.