1st week in SI (signal institute). omg...just like what some netizens and my bunk mates say...it's SLACKMONT CAMP. just imagine a whole ippt training program cancelled just because of some drizzles... -.-

realised that i was posted to trunks comm instead of the initially stated (and interpretted) combat signaller...lucky me. though it is still not as good as those from IS but i guess i should be thankful enough.

the first few days were the hardest to pass...lessons and lessons that made me sleep and sleep. but we are even more lucky as we booked out early this week (thursday) and the same for next week. shiok.

but i volunteered for guard duty at the 31st of december...maybe my friend is right that we got nothing much to lose...with details which i am lazy to elaborate here. so i am gonna be in stagmont for the crossover...

went to a x'mas party at toa payoh at thursday night. almost embarassed myself by going there empty handed (there was supposedly a gift exchange). surprisingly quite a crowd there...heard that some of them are from my friend's singing/dancing classes. saw one girl who gave me a better impression (and kwan yong will start talking about xiao hui if he sees this)...but she's as usual attached (sighs).

ate some drank some and played a little before we had the gift exchange. kind of disorganised but we still manage to get ourselves packing off to catch the last mrt rides.

went to quan yi's house for steamboat yesterday. some small stuff pissed me off from the start...but it's long over now. so we bought some stuff for the steamboat at vivocity before taking cab.

had a short mahjong session (surprised that my luck is still ok) and watched quite an amount of dvds before we started the steamboat proper. quan yi's mum is very generous with the soup's content as she put in dried scallops (those bigger ones) and some ribs.

chun boon and i started to converse more...guess it's good...only thing is that it took us so long. oh ya and that's how i end my x'mas. well.

oh ya. some national service pranks and nice china man animations.

well the blocked leave burns like fire. tomorrow i have to report to stagmont camp. oh yes i am posted to signals institute. hopefully not as combat signaller.

of course there might be worse postings (e.g. field engineer) but i still dread the feeling of going back to serve. perhaps i have too easily slipped back into civilian life.

didn't do much these few days besides going out with friends for a movie etc.

well everything has a reason but i feel as if i am going through a period of time where i mainly do things i am forced to...so 'small' little happenings can be like a punch to my face- though it has not knocked me down...yet.

there's always a reason behind the situation. and i guess from there i realised it's not compulsory...perhaps not needed at all.

what's 'better' than rotting around in home for your blocked leave?

didn't do much interesting for the week...and yet didn't give myself much time to rest too.

wanted to go gym this monday...but the platoon mate i sms-ed to didn't reply to me at all...tried to ask him through msn just now about the message- but to no avail. perhaps i am taking too much from this incident but i am raising questions about him.

was also waiting for chances of having street soccer with some of my platoon mates yesterday. again the sms i sent got me no response. hm...maybe there might be a problem with my mobile service or my phone. i shall see how it goes (but it doesn't seem to be the case as i tried sending one to my mother's mobile).

went out with darren to town just now. oh gosh that springfield jacket is still tempting me from afar...and i wanna get the onto headphones! all these will make me eat way into my already tight allowance for this month...sighs.

will get my posting tomorrow. starting to get nervous after a call from weijun just now. hopefully i don't get into 1st guards...and command school too? keeping my fingers crossed...

The faces all around me they don’t smile they just crack
Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back
We do have time like pennies in a jar
What are we saving for
What are we saving for

There’s a smell of stale fear that’s reeking from our skins.
The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins
We sit and grow our roots through the floor
But what are we waiting for?
What are we saving for

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

Somethings always coming you can hear it in the ground
It swells into the air
With the rising
Rising sound
And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors
What are we waiting for
What are we saving for

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I’ve become
What am I waiting for
Its already done

Oh

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

The Bravery- Believe

POP loh!

though up till now i still don't feel upbeat with the fact that i have graduated from tekong but either way at least a stage is completed in my ns life.

the last two days before we had the graduation march are...all about slacking...doing administration stuff and clearing/cleaning of our bunks. oh ya. i got prank on the night before the march...got toothpaste around some parts of my body...but i feel lucky as compared to those who got toothpaste on their armpits (only for those who put their arms behind their heads while sleeping) or toothpaste on their slippers. imagine the feeling they got when they stepped onto their slipper full of toothpaste when they just woke up. the other case had the victim's spectacle lenses in toothpaste too.

the march...frankly speaking i don't really feel tired; with the exception of the period while we marched for the 16km to 20km section (mainly due to the rocky and steep terrain). perhaps it's the effect of knowing that we will pass out after this (which i don't feel so) that pushed many of us onward. but of course there's people who fall out because of small little problems (a.k.a. chao geng) and people who are forced to fall out due to heat exhaustion at the 20th km point. feeling sad for them or not, it seems like they will have to re-do it at this coming saturday.

as the parade goes on i finally felt that it really marks the end of my basic military training...no longer a recruit...

very happy that my father came to attend and put on the jockey cap for me. the surprise package was from the appearance of my mother- who couldn't make it at the start. but i am sorry for giving her an elbow strike while i was trying to put my arms over her for the photo shoot. haha.

my legs finally felt the ache when i stood almost all the way during the mrt trip. after alighting i still had to walk back to my home...especially with the field pack full of stuff.

hopefully with this 'long' blocked leave i can catch up with as many people as possible. and perhaps some rest.

gonna pass out next wednesday. but didn't feel as anxious as before. during the week the parade rehearsals and hectic schedules wore me out. and the weekend...i didn't give myself much time to rest too. in fact the weekend is more like a depressing one.

the oc's evening (we renamed it as commander's evening because our oc didn't attend...ironically) was full of fun and laughter. but there was this moment where i agreed with the host that we should be sad that we will be the last batch of recruits who are called yankee...because there will be something like yankee 2 after us...what kind of lame naming is that.

can't even run properly in the park this morning. i guess my mind wasn't set on that.

i guess i am feeling down not because something happened not to my liking...it's more like something (not to my liking) happened even before i try to do something about it.

perhaps things would be different should i have tried.

but i doubt i can do much either...especially when you have nothing to play onto the table. yet i don't wanna say pass that easily.

it is really funny when you keep doing something -even when you know you will hit straight onto the wall. the pain is always so similar...so familiar.

it's a god damn lucky week for me- booked out at wednesday night, no remedial training and booking in at sunday evening.

but the 16km route march at wednesday was kind of tough. thanks to the inclusion of the other companies we were going at a slower speed...but during the last 4km segment we were only marching as a company itself so the commanders got back to the yankee speed that we are most familiar with...and the speed we most dreaded of.

towards the last 2km or so i volunteered 2 of my buddies to cling their hands onto my field pack; hoping that they will carry on and not give up at the very last part of the march. somehow with them at my backs i felt better- perhaps they motivated me to pull through the march too.

got a new phone and sim card before i went out with ashley to sitex at expo. feel that the show got more boring than the previous show. so as a customer (after so long as a promoter) i was really curious why were there so many people at the show.

in no mood to start doing my peer appraisal which is due next week. i just don't feel like doing anything much now.

maybe it is part of the big prank.

it's the first time i felt so lazy to post anything here during the past one month or so. many things happened along the way...but the main thing is i am gonna pass out soon!

let's start from field camp. i would say it's the toughest period for me in the entire bmt phase. field disciplines have to be kept at all times and it was really a big change of environment for me. so much so that i start to loathe outfield now. in times of shit i also came to see the real faces of people (i think so); especially those from my section. while i feel disappointed to see some really shrink away from extra work, there were also guys who are always there to help others out.

i would really like to thank all those who encouraged me with their letters- my family, jun cheng and miss cheng. was very surprised that i could receive not one but three letters. at that point of time even though i never had the thought of defending my country before but at least i feel i should persevere to protect those i value and cherish.

the week after that was mainly on our live range. another tough experience for me. thanks to our oc who wants as many marksmen as possible, i had to re-shoot and re-shoot even though i have already passed the range. i got so sicked of it as i kept shooting from day to night (i actually attended all the re-shoots at daytime and thankfully there's only 1 round of night shooting for everybody) and of course the rifle maintenance after that also proved to be a headache for me.

our oc wants us to win the best company award and wants us to go all out for the games day...which is like...never mind. and guess what? i am in the drill squad. too bad i don't have the skills to play volleyball or frisbee nor the strength to join the tug of war...and too bad there's no soccer. all the precision drills are making me go dizzy and tired in the right arm.

this week was on situational test. last outfield crap in bmt. but the weather wasn't that great throughout the event and i didn't get a good assessor when i was appointed as the in charge for one of the stations.

think i did a big mistake when i rejected to try going to command school. simply said i am cutting down my chances to raise through the ranks. not having enough time to consider doesn't seem to be a good reason too.

next came the peer appraisal. i thought i tried my best to rank my platoon mates in order from my judgement but upon hearing some other comments after the peer appraisal...well maybe i am wrong for some of the inputs.

almost had confinement this week due to rifle stun during the field camp. but somehow i only got remedial training this week. though it was kind of hectic but it was still better than confinement and some sol guys i met at friday night.

so i booked out at thursday evening, met up with jun cheng at bugis friday afternoon, then booked in at the night later (when i lost my handphone...damn. lost all my contacts now.). went out with weijun yesterday to bugis again to find his saver plan agent and chill out. saw this pair of very pale blue jeans selling at forty plus dollars. tempted me so much but didn't purchase it as the thought of spending on a new phone means my expenditure is shooting up only days after getting my pay. but in the end i've decided to more or less buy it next week. haha.

field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp field camp

six total days of shit coming up. the idea of reporting sick and attending the remedial session loiters around my mind. so how? suck thumb again?

i'll just pray that it doesn't rain for the week, we shall get lesser punishments and be able to book out at saturday night.

wish me luck again people.

this week was hectic and shagged. damn lots of physical training packed within the last three days of the week. lots of running in general.

good news is finally we can bring our psps into the camp. we are gonna do grenade throwing next week. bad news is that i am going to field camp the week after next. the sian inside me is just like a over-filled bottle.

went out with weijun and darren to town yesterday and watched hurt locker. i was doubtful when darren told me that it's very nice. he even promised that if i feel that the movie is crap he will compensate me with $11 (when the ticket prices is $10 at saturdays). i have to admit that the movie really depicts about the different kinds of US troops stationed in the iraq or afghanistan. the storyboard and character development is strong throughout the movie and seriously i recommend this movie to all those guys still in army (but not guys with their girlfriends dozing off halfway in the theatre). it's not the kind of movie where it's bombs and gunshots raining down. instead this movie emphasises on the mental aspect of soldiers in situations far worse than what i think a field camp is. either way i still tried to ask for compensation at the end of the movie but to no avail. a unique military-based movie. must watch.

to weijun:

either way try your best. because you shouldn't regret after that; no matter what happens in the end. i've been there...so i shall say that it's more about learning and growing from this experience. don't give up so easily...but if needed learn to let go slowly.

lastly be mentally prepared when you watch this:

this week was still kind of ok...booked out at friday night (being the second company to do so) and shared a cab between three other friends.

had a long day out yesterday shopping, attending a friend's 21st birthday and catching up with the people involved. chipped in for a fossil wallet as the birthday gift while getting myself a tee and shirt.

exercised a little and jogged this morning. slacking at home now.

as usual i still don't appreciate the feeling to go back to tekong. especially when there will be AGR and speed training together for tomorrow (for those who understand what i mean, the worse part is that i am in group A for these trainings).

true one month has passed but there's another nine weeks to follow. i am trying to keep my mindset positive but whenever it comes to these moments...the feeling is still not right. ever since the air force has held a talk on signing up a full time contract with them, the thought of whether i should do so or not has been lingering at the back of my head. but as for now my decision is leaning towards no. i am also starting to think whether i will be able to tough it out and make it to the BSLC course. hopefully i can get them done with and settled soon enough. but let me overcome the feeling of booking in first.

confinement was...kind of fast but tough for me. i don't really have time to elaborate...but for now...i really don't wanna go back. back to all these shit.

what should i do, candy?

i don't have much time to elaborate (gonna go pasir ris @ 3.30pm) so i shall keep it short:

to weijun:

jiayou arh. since it's in your hands grab hold of it as long as possible and enjoy the process. but of course always keep yourself in check- even outsiders like us have learnt a lot from chun boon's case.

to jun cheng:
really thanks a lot for your company and encouragement. i have kept your sms in my phone as a note to remind myself. i know i am weak in the mind...but time will fly in tekong bah i guess.

so for the sake of all my friends and you, giving up is out of my dictionary during my bmt. wish me luck people.

back from tekong!

somehow i wasn't really excited while inside the ferry...maybe i was already shag from the trainings today.

well generally the schedule for the 1st week is way too hectic for somebody slower like me. on one hand i am glad that i have some long time ncc background to back me up, but on the other i am still trying to adapt and accept this kind of lifestyle.

physically i am miles away from my sergeants' expectations...and frankly speaking with the criteria of only passing the ippt to have a chance to enter the command school is making me feel low. even though i am quite confident that as time goes i will be able to perform (besides the fitness side), but again, the benchmark for us is still ippt.

my sergeants...i should really say they are lenient with us...at least for now. so i am quite worried for our confinement week when we are more or less on ourselves. moreover i can already see quite a potential of people just doing stuff the way they like it. and this sounds like the start of real hell.

for now i am just wishing that tomorrow will be as long as possible.

"as the image fades, i realised that i've failed you."

--yesterday--

went out to comex @ suntec with my friends. the route from citylink mall to suntec was already filled with people by early afternoon.

met them up and spent quite a while at level 6 (it's too crowded inside) walking around and catching up with those colleagues i had when i was working part time for them as their show promoter.

in the end i upgraded my lap top's memory and bought some cheap ear phones from sonicgear.

we really took a long while to decide on going to swensens for dinner and get our food onto our tables (it's a long and kind of irritating story so i shall not elaborate). because i had another appointment with jun cheng @ clementi, i finished my food and left off early.

i was already late by 2 hours plus when i found him (really sorry!). so we settled down at a coffee shop with drinks and a plate of rojak. well sometimes a simple catch up with a close friend is still better than fanciful outing ideas with so many friends at once.

--today--

just checked my own checklist for the third time and packed everything into a bag (surprisingly). started to feel the nervousness from the start of morning. i really wonder whether i will be able to sleep properly tonight.

i think i will really miss my friends...maybe my family too. but on the other hand i am kind of excited and nervous of the road ahead...new people...new environment...new animals and new stuff to learn.

"only if you were there to sing me a song for tonight. just for tonight."

i know it's kind of late if i were to say team fortress 2 is a cool game...but i was too bored just now till i watched this introduction video for the engineer class:

one of the video footage provided from my friend:



well with this video i am pretty sure my heart is dead for the miss singapore contestants.

i can assure you with both of my eyes that there's local girls better looking than our bold representative here (those people who hang out often in the town will get what i mean). even so...the answers she gave are very...singaporean (stereotyped)?

grammatical errors...bold replies (e.g. something like "it's about me") without satisfactory explanations...and maybe she is not quick minded?

--friday--

went out with weijun to suntec to look out for his watch (as in his 21st birthday gift from his parents). i don't know how much he has researched around for the various brands and models but he just went to fossil upon our suggestion (maybe the prices are nearer to the budget given by his parents) previously.

so we got a skilled promoter recommending us the latest collections...and so weijun kept asking whether this is nice or what not...even the promoter suggested to weijun to ask me whenever she brings out one new piece out from the display cabinet (and i was like...huh? erm...ok).

in the end he bought one trendy roast gold coloured for around two hundred plus. then we went to epic centre so that weijun could buy the iphone ear piece for kim as her late birthday gift.

decided to watch district 9 but realised that gv doesn't show it so we had to move to the cathay and get the tickets first. since we were out we also decided to shop around for stuff. went to domanchi and i bought a checkered shirt. design's not bad...just that the fabric is kind of unfamiliar with what i would normally wear on. weijun chanced upon a blue/white shirt which i don't really recommend him of buying straight away. since (and as usual) kim turned up for the movie, we left to meet her up and decide on the shirt after the movie. had dinner at carl's junior before we made way back to the cathay.

district 9 is really a meaningful show. i didn't know that it was directed by peter jackson until i was at the opening...and thus it got me kind of curious on the movie. frankly speaking if darren didn't spill some beans beforehand i wouldn't have understood the real meaning behind the movie. but despite being a movie with low costs i think it was well done.

went back to domanchi to decide on the shirt before we left for home.

some guys around me have this tendency to be the 'better guy around' in the group if that somebody he likes is in it. i admit i might have this bad habit shown previously but now i realised (and experienced) from the view of the rest in the group. it's still better to be myself at all times.

--saturday--

woke up at 7am to buy some simple breakfast for my family. left home at 9 plus to get the birthday cake from jurong point before i set off to derrick's house. at that i saw windows 7 ultimate myself and played a little of prototype on ps3 (damn nice) before we set off to marina square to leave the cake at kbox and make reservations first.

meet up time was supposedly at 1pm (i apologise because even the planner myself was late for half a hour) but in the end we could only leave marina bay mrt station at 2pm. as a result the picnic (note: the idea of picnic was not proposed by me, i merely took over from kwan yong's idea and planned from there as he is busy with his advanced bslc course) was kind of hastily done because i made reservations for us to start from 3-4pm.

thought it's gonna be the typical small rooms for the seven of us but it turned out that we were given a bigger room. sing sang sung (cut the cake too and gave the couple gv cards as gifts) till 8pm and had a simple dinner at pizzahut. the new spaghetti dishes seem quite good (i had some mushroom spaghetti).

--------------------------------------------------

korea is the hottest place in the entertainment industry right now and with the various girl bands like wonder girls and SNSD emerging, this relatively quiet category of fans known as fanboys are also surfacing in terms of their numbers and as well as their passion, enthusiasm for their favourite band/artiste. but they come in all kinds of...well. here's a few videos i saw from a k-pop website:

1st we have a small little boy dancing at some dbsk mv



next we have a fan who made a song for his favourite cl from 2NE1



then we have a guy dancing to a girl's dance (he looks like what yu jae seok would do in infinity challenge)



lastly some hardcore fans for SNSD

thought i can grow more lazy bones before i enter tekong...but i have been painting the walls of my house for the past three days. oh man my parents sure know about the concept of potential man hour loss. i always used the phrase 'order and ask me like buffet' to best describe such situations.

but frankly speaking the job itself is not very tedious as you might imagine. i am currently painting a side of the living room per day. a couple of hours and i will be done. the troublesome part lies on moving the furniture and whatever away from the wall and trying to avoid getting paint on areas that shouldn't be painted (which mainly results in me wiping the paint off frantically with a rag).

went out earlier on to collect my new biometric passport. kind of a long trip to lavender but luckily i am accompanied by my mp3 player and psp. was kind of surprised when i was notified that my passport will expire at next year. then i found out that i will need to take some oath crap before i can use the passport normally with 5 years of validity (when i already have a pink ic? will need to call them up tomorrow).

ordered a belgium chocolate cake for my friend's birthday celebration at this saturday. largely because i am one of the most free guys lazing around in the cliq, i planned the outing in a form of picnic (and obviously this isn't my idea; i merely took over from somebody else). but because i it seems that i ordered a smaller cake (only 1/2 kg) for a crowd of 7 i am kind of worried whether with the inclusion of other foodstuff will be able to fill our stomachs or not. the weather is also something i am concerned with. i certainly wouldn't want history to repeat again...but the location (marina barrage) is somewhere i am not familar with so the wet weather plan might be a headache for me.

lastly a very innovative honda advertisement to share. i really respect the people who put so much effort to link all of these stuff up. singaporeans still have to look up to the japanese when it comes to such stuff.

it just irritates me to find myself repeating the same mistake over and over again. i really have to think and do something properly for this- for such a flaw in my personality will affect the rest of my life.

on the other hand i really have to appreciate those who can still stand my nonsense and repeat the same advice to help me out. they are always there when i need help; they always happen to be there when i screw up (sometimes even unknowingly myself). as little as i want to lose them, but all these anxiety and impatient bit of me surfaced and urged me again to get it done asap.

so it's just simply: listen. think. then reply.

maybe i should start by watching 'Yes Man' again. perhaps everything starts from a 'yes'.

EDIT: Upon looking at this post i realised i might be wrong at what i've said at the previous post. maybe this is how some people work?