i don't have much time to elaborate (gonna go pasir ris @ 3.30pm) so i shall keep it short:

to weijun:

jiayou arh. since it's in your hands grab hold of it as long as possible and enjoy the process. but of course always keep yourself in check- even outsiders like us have learnt a lot from chun boon's case.

to jun cheng:
really thanks a lot for your company and encouragement. i have kept your sms in my phone as a note to remind myself. i know i am weak in the mind...but time will fly in tekong bah i guess.

so for the sake of all my friends and you, giving up is out of my dictionary during my bmt. wish me luck people.

back from tekong!

somehow i wasn't really excited while inside the ferry...maybe i was already shag from the trainings today.

well generally the schedule for the 1st week is way too hectic for somebody slower like me. on one hand i am glad that i have some long time ncc background to back me up, but on the other i am still trying to adapt and accept this kind of lifestyle.

physically i am miles away from my sergeants' expectations...and frankly speaking with the criteria of only passing the ippt to have a chance to enter the command school is making me feel low. even though i am quite confident that as time goes i will be able to perform (besides the fitness side), but again, the benchmark for us is still ippt.

my sergeants...i should really say they are lenient with us...at least for now. so i am quite worried for our confinement week when we are more or less on ourselves. moreover i can already see quite a potential of people just doing stuff the way they like it. and this sounds like the start of real hell.

for now i am just wishing that tomorrow will be as long as possible.

"as the image fades, i realised that i've failed you."

--yesterday--

went out to comex @ suntec with my friends. the route from citylink mall to suntec was already filled with people by early afternoon.

met them up and spent quite a while at level 6 (it's too crowded inside) walking around and catching up with those colleagues i had when i was working part time for them as their show promoter.

in the end i upgraded my lap top's memory and bought some cheap ear phones from sonicgear.

we really took a long while to decide on going to swensens for dinner and get our food onto our tables (it's a long and kind of irritating story so i shall not elaborate). because i had another appointment with jun cheng @ clementi, i finished my food and left off early.

i was already late by 2 hours plus when i found him (really sorry!). so we settled down at a coffee shop with drinks and a plate of rojak. well sometimes a simple catch up with a close friend is still better than fanciful outing ideas with so many friends at once.

--today--

just checked my own checklist for the third time and packed everything into a bag (surprisingly). started to feel the nervousness from the start of morning. i really wonder whether i will be able to sleep properly tonight.

i think i will really miss my friends...maybe my family too. but on the other hand i am kind of excited and nervous of the road ahead...new people...new environment...new animals and new stuff to learn.

"only if you were there to sing me a song for tonight. just for tonight."

i know it's kind of late if i were to say team fortress 2 is a cool game...but i was too bored just now till i watched this introduction video for the engineer class:

one of the video footage provided from my friend:



well with this video i am pretty sure my heart is dead for the miss singapore contestants.

i can assure you with both of my eyes that there's local girls better looking than our bold representative here (those people who hang out often in the town will get what i mean). even so...the answers she gave are very...singaporean (stereotyped)?

grammatical errors...bold replies (e.g. something like "it's about me") without satisfactory explanations...and maybe she is not quick minded?

--friday--

went out with weijun to suntec to look out for his watch (as in his 21st birthday gift from his parents). i don't know how much he has researched around for the various brands and models but he just went to fossil upon our suggestion (maybe the prices are nearer to the budget given by his parents) previously.

so we got a skilled promoter recommending us the latest collections...and so weijun kept asking whether this is nice or what not...even the promoter suggested to weijun to ask me whenever she brings out one new piece out from the display cabinet (and i was like...huh? erm...ok).

in the end he bought one trendy roast gold coloured for around two hundred plus. then we went to epic centre so that weijun could buy the iphone ear piece for kim as her late birthday gift.

decided to watch district 9 but realised that gv doesn't show it so we had to move to the cathay and get the tickets first. since we were out we also decided to shop around for stuff. went to domanchi and i bought a checkered shirt. design's not bad...just that the fabric is kind of unfamiliar with what i would normally wear on. weijun chanced upon a blue/white shirt which i don't really recommend him of buying straight away. since (and as usual) kim turned up for the movie, we left to meet her up and decide on the shirt after the movie. had dinner at carl's junior before we made way back to the cathay.

district 9 is really a meaningful show. i didn't know that it was directed by peter jackson until i was at the opening...and thus it got me kind of curious on the movie. frankly speaking if darren didn't spill some beans beforehand i wouldn't have understood the real meaning behind the movie. but despite being a movie with low costs i think it was well done.

went back to domanchi to decide on the shirt before we left for home.

some guys around me have this tendency to be the 'better guy around' in the group if that somebody he likes is in it. i admit i might have this bad habit shown previously but now i realised (and experienced) from the view of the rest in the group. it's still better to be myself at all times.

--saturday--

woke up at 7am to buy some simple breakfast for my family. left home at 9 plus to get the birthday cake from jurong point before i set off to derrick's house. at that i saw windows 7 ultimate myself and played a little of prototype on ps3 (damn nice) before we set off to marina square to leave the cake at kbox and make reservations first.

meet up time was supposedly at 1pm (i apologise because even the planner myself was late for half a hour) but in the end we could only leave marina bay mrt station at 2pm. as a result the picnic (note: the idea of picnic was not proposed by me, i merely took over from kwan yong's idea and planned from there as he is busy with his advanced bslc course) was kind of hastily done because i made reservations for us to start from 3-4pm.

thought it's gonna be the typical small rooms for the seven of us but it turned out that we were given a bigger room. sing sang sung (cut the cake too and gave the couple gv cards as gifts) till 8pm and had a simple dinner at pizzahut. the new spaghetti dishes seem quite good (i had some mushroom spaghetti).

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korea is the hottest place in the entertainment industry right now and with the various girl bands like wonder girls and SNSD emerging, this relatively quiet category of fans known as fanboys are also surfacing in terms of their numbers and as well as their passion, enthusiasm for their favourite band/artiste. but they come in all kinds of...well. here's a few videos i saw from a k-pop website:

1st we have a small little boy dancing at some dbsk mv



next we have a fan who made a song for his favourite cl from 2NE1



then we have a guy dancing to a girl's dance (he looks like what yu jae seok would do in infinity challenge)



lastly some hardcore fans for SNSD

thought i can grow more lazy bones before i enter tekong...but i have been painting the walls of my house for the past three days. oh man my parents sure know about the concept of potential man hour loss. i always used the phrase 'order and ask me like buffet' to best describe such situations.

but frankly speaking the job itself is not very tedious as you might imagine. i am currently painting a side of the living room per day. a couple of hours and i will be done. the troublesome part lies on moving the furniture and whatever away from the wall and trying to avoid getting paint on areas that shouldn't be painted (which mainly results in me wiping the paint off frantically with a rag).

went out earlier on to collect my new biometric passport. kind of a long trip to lavender but luckily i am accompanied by my mp3 player and psp. was kind of surprised when i was notified that my passport will expire at next year. then i found out that i will need to take some oath crap before i can use the passport normally with 5 years of validity (when i already have a pink ic? will need to call them up tomorrow).

ordered a belgium chocolate cake for my friend's birthday celebration at this saturday. largely because i am one of the most free guys lazing around in the cliq, i planned the outing in a form of picnic (and obviously this isn't my idea; i merely took over from somebody else). but because i it seems that i ordered a smaller cake (only 1/2 kg) for a crowd of 7 i am kind of worried whether with the inclusion of other foodstuff will be able to fill our stomachs or not. the weather is also something i am concerned with. i certainly wouldn't want history to repeat again...but the location (marina barrage) is somewhere i am not familar with so the wet weather plan might be a headache for me.

lastly a very innovative honda advertisement to share. i really respect the people who put so much effort to link all of these stuff up. singaporeans still have to look up to the japanese when it comes to such stuff.

it just irritates me to find myself repeating the same mistake over and over again. i really have to think and do something properly for this- for such a flaw in my personality will affect the rest of my life.

on the other hand i really have to appreciate those who can still stand my nonsense and repeat the same advice to help me out. they are always there when i need help; they always happen to be there when i screw up (sometimes even unknowingly myself). as little as i want to lose them, but all these anxiety and impatient bit of me surfaced and urged me again to get it done asap.

so it's just simply: listen. think. then reply.

maybe i should start by watching 'Yes Man' again. perhaps everything starts from a 'yes'.

EDIT: Upon looking at this post i realised i might be wrong at what i've said at the previous post. maybe this is how some people work?

dear botak,

i admit i am always bad at telling my friends these kind of stuff but somehow i don't feel like leaving it in my heart like a chunk. but it might be pointless since i doubt you do read my posts very often.

though it's just a few events that made me feel so but i think as time goes i am afraid that the more you hope (and spend more effort) the more disappointed you will be.

actually the actual purpose of me questioning you so much (in your opinion) is because you didn't realise how tight your schedule is. you wanted to ask her out for a movie at 1 plus and you asked me only at 12 plus. nevermind me feeling like being some decoy again, but what irritates me is yet another last minute stuff from you. and the worse part is she might be late for that movie slot and we will have to wait till the next slot at 2 plus. even that you were fine with that when you will have hell of a rushing to do to make it to the ferry terminal back to tekong. in the end i was asked by you why did i have so many questions when i wasn't intending to go.

well ultimately it lies in you botak; it's your path anyway. it's no wrong of you to try but fancy making yourself rushing for time just to suit her schedule (or to see her) is kind of...unfair to yourself? don't you wanna have sometime for yourself after every week of tekong crap (besides all the gaming at home)?

and to all my close friends, please remind me if i were to have such symptoms surfacing next time...i don't like it sticky either.

1 month just flew past when you are working. another one and i will be on the ferry to tekong. time is god damn fast.

went to marina square's changing appetites to treat my friend chun leng for lunch. he was late for meet up so i decided to go recee to see whether it would be crowded or something.

and i have to spend so long to get to there. and surprisingly it's damn empty. from i saw there's only one family dining.

i doubted the need to do any last minute reservations so i went up to the arcade and rot.

chun leng arrived and we had a very filled lunch. each of us had a main dish, shared a big jack (a almost jug sized cup full of chocolate) and a cup of iced lemon tea, one big mudpie, and an ice cream.

i am actually quite glad that i have found another person to keep in contact after my poly days (even though he had some harsh words on me during my work period before). though we were classmates for the past three years but i didn't really get to know him more.

then went to friend's 21st birthday at the aloha chalet@loyang. was kind of bored for the whole thing but the event was kind of fine. luckily we made it on time for the last few trains back home.

how should i say it...i can't say i hate that...but i feel that i am 'poked' whenever that topic is touched on.

it's something i can't deny- yes i have that problem. but everytime the same stuff are being said and yet i feel more and more being left out. i guess my weakness of not focusing for long contributes to this but...ah forget it.

as i mentioned there's no hate involved...maybe i should be careful of what i say...but that means the gap will widen as time goes by.

hm...for this week i can say work is kind of smooth for me...i am doing my stuff at my own pace (without considering the effects on my kpi). only times when i get stressed up is only when my boss asks me to get the bugs solved.

have already heard from my friend that he will be offered an extension of contract. so my guess is that my last day is more or less set...since i have ns to serve and isn't any near my friend's technical standard.

ashley just asked me whether i enjoyed this job or not. a quick thought on it...i realised that after so long...IT is still not my first option. simply put i don't see myself as a IT geek.

am considering whether should i take up management or economics for university. but i have all the time now to decide now.

but my friend was right. if i have decided to be in the business sector, i shouldn't be working here and instead try to build my portfolio up in that sector.

have this idea of asking them out. but my guess is that they will be too busy to do so. or maybe not.

hectic week for me. have not been on time to leave work...so basically the daily routine is to go to work, come back home, finish chores and personal stuff, korean variety shows and sleep. kind of no life unless it's friday and the weekends.

went off work late (with undone stuff) to meet up weijun first at ion. finally understood the layout of the mall upon the second visit to there. was tempted by a blazer looking jacket with hood at topman...but that will cost me a hundred plus. damn.

moved to dhoby ghaut to meet up with kim for dinner at astons (fourth floor, the cathay). surprisingly such small restaurants are always well received as we had to queue and wait. had steaks before kim goes to work while weijun and i went home.

another half day for me at work. was quite irritated with my poly friends with the outing timings and turn of events. initially there was a movie outing and at the last minute it was called off. so in the end went to lunch with weijun and kim again before i went back to home.

------------------------------

i am feeling kind of...low? or just weird? maybe it's just becuase it's msn messenger that we are using but...it seems like there's a problem and yet i can't explain what is it. i thought i was in the channel i want but...there are times like now that i feel that i am the only person in my own world. or feel unsecure with what i think, believe in or interpret as.

--saturday--

in my mind i never had an experience of going to office for work on a saturday before. surprisingly the morning rush is still very prominent in the mrt carriages.

reached the workplace to find out that i am one of the very first few. and i thought nobody (especially from my side) is gonna come for work. so i nervously called my friend chun leng to check. phew it's just that they will normally report a little later at weekends.

thought my supervisor will come and brief me for the stuff i need to complete asap but in the end she didn't appear at all.

initially i was stuck between two outings with my friends...but in the end i decided to drop out one of them and go along with the movie outing. but the people from the other side (actually only one) just keeps pestering me. i am sorry but the timing of the outing set for that was right in the middle of the free time i have before i go over to the chalet.

yet the movie outing was clouded with uncertainty as i had lunch with chun leng and had fun in the cineleisure arcade. in the end i met them only at around 4 plus when the bbq is starting at 5. so in the end i got to nowhere out of the two outings (and i was kind of pissed of this and some other stuff not worth mentioning).

reached downtown east and bought the bbq fan before i went in to block L to realised that i paid a dollar to the wrong side of costa sands.

finally reached the poolside to see the bbq fire just started. initially when i first heard of that i will be going to a chalet just with four girls, i believed i couldn't really feel comfortable with this new experience that i will have. but ever since i started helping out with the fanning of the fire...it feels like the korean variety show family outing? haha.

i was kind of hungry during the bbq (before all the food were done) so i got myself hooked on the hand made sushi made by ashley and her friend. but the whole thing was smooth and soon enough we were done with all the food we were supposed to grill. so we had them in the air-conditioned room watching harry potter.

more tv till we were full and starting taking turns to shower. card games were next as weijun called me for something regarding about her. basically i didn't really give a damn about her now so i encouraged him to just know her more before deciding...just in case the decision made now becomes a lose-lose situation.

played game of life (a version i've never played before) and won surprisingly by a margin. we chatted till 4 plus before we slept.

--sunday--

after waking up at 6.30am for the past six days i managed only to wake up at 8am. the rest of them were still sleeping at the other section of the unit. with me curled up on the sofa and the cold living room area, i decided to take my mp3 player and bask in the morning sunlight outside.

soon they woke up one by one and we decided to have our brunch at the EHub before we check out. went to this hong kong restaurant and i had spicy seafood spaghetti in white wine and a cup of hot yuan yang (i don't know why they had it as ying yang in the menu). shared jokes during the meal, with me spending most of the time trying to answer ashley's "what's under there?" question.

went back...packed up and got a ride from ashley's dad.

and now...though i have napped for a hour or so at the afternoon...i am still kind of drowsy and down with some heavy flu i think. maybe it's the usual ailments when i am tired.

another week in front of me to tough it out.

(taken from wayang times)

so you think why would i post these pictures for nothing? these girls from china are apparently the F1 beauty queens!

well no offence but...i've never bothered about our local race queens...i believe that one top japanese race queen is enough to make all our girls at our backyard shut up and cry in despair. for once i thought there might be a even tougher competitor from the P.R.C. but apparently...well you got it.

i strongly believe in such events companies involved would try to get the best models for promotion but it's really shocking to see china (with so many people to choose from) "failing" on such events.

second day of my work and i am already feeling the pinch. sighs my programming skills have gone from bad to worst due to the rust. to think that i was still aiming for an extension of contract till the end of august...for now i would be very happy to just stay still till the end of this contract.

yesterday i finally had the chance to sit during the mrt trip from raffles place but it got crowded shortly and an old guy was standing back facing me. so i stood up and placed my hand on his shoulder. somehow i was with my ear phones hooked and didn't thought of verbally asking him to have my seat. so i actually hand signalled him to take the seat without facial expression (which actually looks kind of angry).

some poster i found over the net.

been quite long since i last ran at the park nearby. somehow it turned into a venting out session. but at least now i feel prepared for the job tomorrow.

i seriously still can't accept the fact that her iphone hung yesterday. i know i sound childish but i am not very interested when i heard that she's asking weijun and me out for movie at saturday. i still have ashley's chalet to attend to later.

i am really looking forward to the chalet this weekend. not because i will be surrounded by girls but the night (i hope) will be between me, the sea breeze and my green bottle.

maybe it's really a rush of blood to the head. such things never come easily. and the worse you are, the lesser it is. perhaps i should really believe in this. all right this is derived from my negative side but isn't that a fact?

i've always said to myself that i should let that die off...and yet i chose to defy what i should have done. enough said. i shall not leave any debris for that cliq and case closed. i shouldn't be dragging the cliq down just because of my selfish and impatient acts.

i am sorry jun cheng but sometimes...never does happen.

let the job...two years of ns come into me. although i will never be prepared for these but...place me in that situation and i will get pass it.

changes will come. just that if the end product is like a frankenstein...don't be too surprised.

i am a little sleepy while posting this...why?

i think i had the longest phone call with weijun yesterday...i remembered it was like from 12 plus or 1 plus till 4.30 am.

i guess sometimes my brain is just too lazy to think hard...i knew there are problems but i don't really cared or know on what and how do i solve them. so i am sure weijun pieced up many parts of the puzzle for me yesterday.

but now...even though that impatient bit of me is still on running loose...i am not going to close myself anymore. instead of smirking at one dark corner of your world, why not go outdoors and embrace yourself in sunlight?

i strongly encourage anyone who sees this post to remind or even scold me if i were to turn back into that pessimistic old self again.

i am very sure many things wouldn't have happened that way should my mindset wasn't in that direction. you agree with me, jo?

i am apologetic to all of my friends who tried to help me all these while. i shouldn't let all these saliva and typing go to waste. so now it's simple:

you can stand there and not move; but don't complain. you can move on and improve; but prove it.

i just feel like venting everything out here before i can really sleep.

just got back from outing. kind of crowd at there. left the bunch of guys after they decided to go sisha.

mood was kind of low for the day. darren told me quite a bit of stuff which i wouldn't bother elaborating here. but it's just some...bad facts about me. i do admit that when i talk about things i tend to get serious and is always (and seriously) lacking a sense of humour. i am really sorry to those who thought they are talking to a retard all these while.

true that i do want to change...but why is everybody looking for finished products? are they finished too? i wouldn't really mind if i were to find out that somebody is flawed during a relationship (of any kind, of course). aren't relationships supposed to help each other become a better self?

so after the club's annual general meeting in the school i didn't bother to talk much. are things supposed to work this way?

after that i waited for a bloody 30 minutes plus for a crowded night rider bus service.

either way i will have to choose between two possible sides of outing like...twelve hours later? i don't know whether i should go and turn her off or to go join a clique which i will be more quiet throughout the meal.