hm...for this week i can say work is kind of smooth for me...i am doing my stuff at my own pace (without considering the effects on my kpi). only times when i get stressed up is only when my boss asks me to get the bugs solved.

have already heard from my friend that he will be offered an extension of contract. so my guess is that my last day is more or less set...since i have ns to serve and isn't any near my friend's technical standard.

ashley just asked me whether i enjoyed this job or not. a quick thought on it...i realised that after so long...IT is still not my first option. simply put i don't see myself as a IT geek.

am considering whether should i take up management or economics for university. but i have all the time now to decide now.

but my friend was right. if i have decided to be in the business sector, i shouldn't be working here and instead try to build my portfolio up in that sector.

have this idea of asking them out. but my guess is that they will be too busy to do so. or maybe not.

hectic week for me. have not been on time to leave work...so basically the daily routine is to go to work, come back home, finish chores and personal stuff, korean variety shows and sleep. kind of no life unless it's friday and the weekends.

went off work late (with undone stuff) to meet up weijun first at ion. finally understood the layout of the mall upon the second visit to there. was tempted by a blazer looking jacket with hood at topman...but that will cost me a hundred plus. damn.

moved to dhoby ghaut to meet up with kim for dinner at astons (fourth floor, the cathay). surprisingly such small restaurants are always well received as we had to queue and wait. had steaks before kim goes to work while weijun and i went home.

another half day for me at work. was quite irritated with my poly friends with the outing timings and turn of events. initially there was a movie outing and at the last minute it was called off. so in the end went to lunch with weijun and kim again before i went back to home.

------------------------------

i am feeling kind of...low? or just weird? maybe it's just becuase it's msn messenger that we are using but...it seems like there's a problem and yet i can't explain what is it. i thought i was in the channel i want but...there are times like now that i feel that i am the only person in my own world. or feel unsecure with what i think, believe in or interpret as.

--saturday--

in my mind i never had an experience of going to office for work on a saturday before. surprisingly the morning rush is still very prominent in the mrt carriages.

reached the workplace to find out that i am one of the very first few. and i thought nobody (especially from my side) is gonna come for work. so i nervously called my friend chun leng to check. phew it's just that they will normally report a little later at weekends.

thought my supervisor will come and brief me for the stuff i need to complete asap but in the end she didn't appear at all.

initially i was stuck between two outings with my friends...but in the end i decided to drop out one of them and go along with the movie outing. but the people from the other side (actually only one) just keeps pestering me. i am sorry but the timing of the outing set for that was right in the middle of the free time i have before i go over to the chalet.

yet the movie outing was clouded with uncertainty as i had lunch with chun leng and had fun in the cineleisure arcade. in the end i met them only at around 4 plus when the bbq is starting at 5. so in the end i got to nowhere out of the two outings (and i was kind of pissed of this and some other stuff not worth mentioning).

reached downtown east and bought the bbq fan before i went in to block L to realised that i paid a dollar to the wrong side of costa sands.

finally reached the poolside to see the bbq fire just started. initially when i first heard of that i will be going to a chalet just with four girls, i believed i couldn't really feel comfortable with this new experience that i will have. but ever since i started helping out with the fanning of the fire...it feels like the korean variety show family outing? haha.

i was kind of hungry during the bbq (before all the food were done) so i got myself hooked on the hand made sushi made by ashley and her friend. but the whole thing was smooth and soon enough we were done with all the food we were supposed to grill. so we had them in the air-conditioned room watching harry potter.

more tv till we were full and starting taking turns to shower. card games were next as weijun called me for something regarding about her. basically i didn't really give a damn about her now so i encouraged him to just know her more before deciding...just in case the decision made now becomes a lose-lose situation.

played game of life (a version i've never played before) and won surprisingly by a margin. we chatted till 4 plus before we slept.

--sunday--

after waking up at 6.30am for the past six days i managed only to wake up at 8am. the rest of them were still sleeping at the other section of the unit. with me curled up on the sofa and the cold living room area, i decided to take my mp3 player and bask in the morning sunlight outside.

soon they woke up one by one and we decided to have our brunch at the EHub before we check out. went to this hong kong restaurant and i had spicy seafood spaghetti in white wine and a cup of hot yuan yang (i don't know why they had it as ying yang in the menu). shared jokes during the meal, with me spending most of the time trying to answer ashley's "what's under there?" question.

went back...packed up and got a ride from ashley's dad.

and now...though i have napped for a hour or so at the afternoon...i am still kind of drowsy and down with some heavy flu i think. maybe it's the usual ailments when i am tired.

another week in front of me to tough it out.

(taken from wayang times)

so you think why would i post these pictures for nothing? these girls from china are apparently the F1 beauty queens!

well no offence but...i've never bothered about our local race queens...i believe that one top japanese race queen is enough to make all our girls at our backyard shut up and cry in despair. for once i thought there might be a even tougher competitor from the P.R.C. but apparently...well you got it.

i strongly believe in such events companies involved would try to get the best models for promotion but it's really shocking to see china (with so many people to choose from) "failing" on such events.

second day of my work and i am already feeling the pinch. sighs my programming skills have gone from bad to worst due to the rust. to think that i was still aiming for an extension of contract till the end of august...for now i would be very happy to just stay still till the end of this contract.

yesterday i finally had the chance to sit during the mrt trip from raffles place but it got crowded shortly and an old guy was standing back facing me. so i stood up and placed my hand on his shoulder. somehow i was with my ear phones hooked and didn't thought of verbally asking him to have my seat. so i actually hand signalled him to take the seat without facial expression (which actually looks kind of angry).

some poster i found over the net.

been quite long since i last ran at the park nearby. somehow it turned into a venting out session. but at least now i feel prepared for the job tomorrow.

i seriously still can't accept the fact that her iphone hung yesterday. i know i sound childish but i am not very interested when i heard that she's asking weijun and me out for movie at saturday. i still have ashley's chalet to attend to later.

i am really looking forward to the chalet this weekend. not because i will be surrounded by girls but the night (i hope) will be between me, the sea breeze and my green bottle.

maybe it's really a rush of blood to the head. such things never come easily. and the worse you are, the lesser it is. perhaps i should really believe in this. all right this is derived from my negative side but isn't that a fact?

i've always said to myself that i should let that die off...and yet i chose to defy what i should have done. enough said. i shall not leave any debris for that cliq and case closed. i shouldn't be dragging the cliq down just because of my selfish and impatient acts.

i am sorry jun cheng but sometimes...never does happen.

let the job...two years of ns come into me. although i will never be prepared for these but...place me in that situation and i will get pass it.

changes will come. just that if the end product is like a frankenstein...don't be too surprised.

i am a little sleepy while posting this...why?

i think i had the longest phone call with weijun yesterday...i remembered it was like from 12 plus or 1 plus till 4.30 am.

i guess sometimes my brain is just too lazy to think hard...i knew there are problems but i don't really cared or know on what and how do i solve them. so i am sure weijun pieced up many parts of the puzzle for me yesterday.

but now...even though that impatient bit of me is still on running loose...i am not going to close myself anymore. instead of smirking at one dark corner of your world, why not go outdoors and embrace yourself in sunlight?

i strongly encourage anyone who sees this post to remind or even scold me if i were to turn back into that pessimistic old self again.

i am very sure many things wouldn't have happened that way should my mindset wasn't in that direction. you agree with me, jo?

i am apologetic to all of my friends who tried to help me all these while. i shouldn't let all these saliva and typing go to waste. so now it's simple:

you can stand there and not move; but don't complain. you can move on and improve; but prove it.

i just feel like venting everything out here before i can really sleep.

just got back from outing. kind of crowd at there. left the bunch of guys after they decided to go sisha.

mood was kind of low for the day. darren told me quite a bit of stuff which i wouldn't bother elaborating here. but it's just some...bad facts about me. i do admit that when i talk about things i tend to get serious and is always (and seriously) lacking a sense of humour. i am really sorry to those who thought they are talking to a retard all these while.

true that i do want to change...but why is everybody looking for finished products? are they finished too? i wouldn't really mind if i were to find out that somebody is flawed during a relationship (of any kind, of course). aren't relationships supposed to help each other become a better self?

so after the club's annual general meeting in the school i didn't bother to talk much. are things supposed to work this way?

after that i waited for a bloody 30 minutes plus for a crowded night rider bus service.

either way i will have to choose between two possible sides of outing like...twelve hours later? i don't know whether i should go and turn her off or to go join a clique which i will be more quiet throughout the meal.

cute boy shying when he mispronounces the word "thermometer":



and the bulgarians have the teleportation system! beware!



and that was kind of harsh on his girlfriend:



just went to watch the movie "i love you man" with her just now. i totally enjoyed the movie...hilarious and meaningful. besides that...i should say i am starting to enjoy the process- seeing her then looking forward to see her again.

of course the fact that she treats all guys the same is always at the back of my head. it haunts me at times...but since i wanna go on i must take the risk. at least i wouldn't regret that i was standing still and doing nothing.

yesterday was like hell of a roller coaster ride. hm even now i am a little confused on where should i start...

sms-ed botak (actually he deserves to have his real name here-weijun) when he was on his way back to tekong...suddenly the thought of what happened between my friend, a girl and i flashed. so i had the feeling of clearing up before i dive in too deep to settle such issues.

i wouldn't blame him for his unclear answer but i was right in asking him first about this.

so after that i asked my friend (darren) about something similar. so some of the facts are confirmed and those were the stuff that set me on a dip. so basically there were issues of potential competition, the fact that she treats everybody the same (or should i say nicely) and most importantly where should i stand now.

but personally i have to thank ashley, jun cheng and darren for their help. somehow you guys' advice were able to string up nicely.

hm...so what i summed up was:

- she treats everybody the same
- i should think of what she says/does as what she would do as a friend, nothing else
- it's a simple question; so it's between want or not

with these points i think i actually took a step back. then i realised i don't have an answer for the third point. and so...why should i be bothered with the rest of the people?

jun cheng's point was more explicit in this sense (i had my msn nick as "lines i couldn't change" and even with that he can elaborate using lines -.-). it's only about the line between two points. two person.

so therefore i concluded that my mind was wandering too far out, too reactive on this and thought that it was easy.

what am i gonna do next? i shall deal it with my own pace, with more rationality i hope. case closed.

a very interesting video which shows about what does it look and sound like from under.

SURFACE : A film from underneath



yesterday was kind of...should i say fun? or just satisfying?

got myself kind of running on self high after i was invited to a last minute lunch appointment...woke my botak friend up at 10 plus (which he should be awake but he was tired) and set off as soon as possible.

so we met at clarke quay and had ramen at my favourite japanese restaurant in the central. so botak and i each had char siew shoyu(or soy sauce) ramen and their yummy cold egg(i forgot its name) while she had char siew shiou(or salt) ramen. even though botak and i both felt that their char siew is not as good as before, but i guess...i was kind of happy.

left kind of hastily after the last person to finish (which is me) realised that it's kind of late for her work. oh my god...we were supposed to walk to raffles place but in the end we were almost lost in the concrete jungle. in the end she was damn late...i felt so embarrassed...

oh well. so botak and i left to city hall thinking that my other friend is still working at the gaming show. luckily we didn't contact him after we reached suntec to find out that he worked that only for a day...or else it would have turned out to be a wild goose chase. haha.

botak thinks its gay of only me to accompany him go watch ice age 3...my friend wants to come out(from his house) and meet us yet botak wants to go back early...so in the end it was called off. but in the end i managed to persuade to spend a little more while looking for his cap instead of just going back and waste this trip off. so we travelled to bugis (i suggested orchard but got rejected -.-) for one.

it didn't take long for him to like this light grey cap. it's not bad on him from what i see too and he bought it straight without going around for more options. i was actually looking for one too but was kind of hesitant on what kind of caps can suit me. i remembered i wouldn't look great on caps...so shall look around for something real good to cover my botak head later.

window shopped a little more while (saw bermudas that i like but they are a little costly for me now) before we headed home.

looking forward to see her again i guess. i have this weird habit of feeling more comfortable when i talk to someone face to face or at least through the phone. sms, msn or even facebook (which i simply don't own one) kind of communication is kind of...oh well. i just prefer the personal touch in communication more.

oh ya. another ad i just saw:

woke at the blue hour
waiting for the new morning
it's only the breeze and me

dragged towards the mirror
saw a tired child
it's only the mirror and me

that vague feeling surfaces
i know it's you
watching me at the door

slowly i stepped forward
dragging my dark baggage
to find you back

into my arms, yes

so the first rays
touched on your silhouette
and you left me

staring at my dark self
yes, something i chose to live with
something you left from

(p.s. this a small little try at something that sounds like literature/song when i was bored earlier on. try to keep your volume of laughter minimised.)

you might feel a little uncomfortable with this:



and some pranks that i surely be embarrassed if i were in their shoes:





and this is the latest gameplay release for the much anticipated fifa 10:



i am sure this game title will be a nasty blow to the ever popular pro evolution soccer. intially i only had titles like diablo 3, starcraft 2 or some of the top racing titles in my mind to play once once i build my own pc up but now looks like i have another title to bear in mind. and to think that i was once a pro evolution soccer fan...what can i say?

went to watch transformers yesterday (monday)...kind of cool to see the detailed animations here and there but personally i will still like terminator over it for its storyline.

my friends and i were in the giant @ vivocity (buying drinks/snacks for the movie later) when we saw small transformers figurines being sold. i suggested we each have one and raise the figurines when we see the animations of them transforming during the movie. sadly that was strongly "rejected". haha.

didn't expect myself to be out for another movie (ghosts of girlfriend's past) just now (tuesday). thought the movie will be kind of bored or what ever. however i managed to see quite an amount of good online reviews for this movie before i got out of the house. doesn't really matter anyway since i have another chance to go out.

i have to say it's been a long while since i watched a movie that is mainly on romance. this movie...i guess it sets me thinking and more motivated. imagine a movie that can trigger a stubborn mule (in this field) like me. it must be better for you, reader.

and frankly speaking that connor mead in the movie is actually of someone near i once portrayed myself as when i grow older...a great talker, rich and super duper flirty. never gets serious in a relationship. sees such stuff lightly, absurd and something not required of.

but i got two messages from this movie:
- life will be meaningless if you are perfect
- pain is better than regret

somehow it triggers me to not restrain what my heart says (that much) and not to hesitate much. i certainly hope so but i will wanna be a better self instead of standing still and do nothing besides grumbling.

so after the movie i was more of enthusiastic. had a fine chat with them at starbucks and we were quite engrossed in her problems faced in fashion, styles and so on. oh surprisingly i believe that i can be of help for female fashion (it was from long ago ever since my sister/mother consulted me on such stuff).

perhaps that can be our common topic. perhaps that can be a good start for a bad talker/wooden block like me.