To Miss IThoughtItIsOnceAndForAll:

Hi.

This is how awkward the atmosphere would be if i ever i see you again. Resorting to use such an familiar greeting to someone we thought we are so familiar with...so close with.

Wonder how's life for you lately. Oh you told me it was great. And you started telling me how guilty you still are after a year etc...

Then it was you who wanted me to tell you what i wanted to say. And now you are telling me i am the reason in your guilt.

Frankly speaking. When you told me about your guilt etc...all the remnant thoughts came back just like a stagnant sponge being squeezed out of a sudden...with all the water gushing out...and it just got me even more remorseful.

Now it's not just the remnant thoughts that matter. I still habitually board the MRT at the thrid door of the first cabin. I am 'addicted' to night life. I like to see dances (hoping that i can dance myself one day).

On the other hand, you can't blame me for everything. Like what you brought with you when you lied on my shoulder at the Cathay, I have brought what i am carrying now from that fateful bus 154 trip. We are just haunting ourselves with our own past. Pardon me if it seems that i got too 'affected' from the experience i had; i have to get myself on the extreme side in order to focus on the stuff i need to do.

No doubt you have affected me in certain ways...but definitely not the fact that i hide myself even more from relationships. It's not as if i did not try to get out of the shell...the fact is that i don't have enough money(or rather too stupid and stingy) to buy you a stalk of rose or...even that feather thing phone chain at Plaza Singapura. Moreover i just don't have the mindset and confidence i am really suitable for anyone. Who wants a guy who is unromantic, can't express himself properly even to girls, who can't understand himself, who doesn't know how to take care of himself properly (not to say for his girl), who can't console people well etc...?

Stop telling all the crap that you will feel better if you were to see me with a girl on the streets...the guilt you have towards me...etc. Fact is that we are actually near mirror images. But no matter what i know i shouldn't have dragged you along onto a trip that brings you nightmares now and then. Just with that it has already hurt me all along from then. Either live with the guilt or forget me. Please.

You are really a nice girl...just that you have not realised and have not grown up at then...i am really fortunate to have met you. You taught me some...but i learnt quite an amount from the experience i had with you. Still, i say...you should have and still deserve a 200% better guy than me. I really hope somehow...in some way and some time that you will drop the burden you carry now and go to somewhere higher. My blessings in advance.

I hope you can forgive what i brought upon on you. Nevermind if you can't forgive me. Neither i can do it on myself.